Keep Holdin On
by ireallylovefriends
Summary: How will life be after Chandler s devastating accident?
1. There IS Hope

Beep...beep...beep. Monica entered the room and heard that sound...beep...beep...beep. She thought that sound would only be in movies. Not in real life. Not in their lives. She slowly walked over Chandler's bed. He was... She couldn't even recognize him at first, because of the huge ventilator coming out of his throat and just bunch of other tubes and other machines tied to him.

"what happened to him? You told me that he was gonna be okay... This does't seem okay to me." She started yelling but when the doctor to calm down and sit down she sat down to the armchair where she will spend nights in to be with Chandler.

Doctor started talking "Monica calm down please. You have to be strong now because Chandler isn`t well. He unfortunately broke his neck in the accident. And he has no feeling below his neck. Which we call C-1 quadriplegic."

"So he can't move or feel anything...anything below his neck?" She said crying.

"No...unfortunately."

"But Mrs. Bing there are numerous rehabilitation and treatment options and there IS hope. Just know that there are dozens of quadriplegics who gained back movement and Chandler can do it too. With your help of course. And the only way you can help him is believing in him and ,no matter how awful you feel, being cheerful around him...Look, Monica maybe you should get some professional help, I don`t think you can handle it all by yourself."

"No..no I don't need anything I'm just fine. When will he wake up?"

"In a few minutes probably."

Rachel, Ross, Joey and Phoebe were waiting outside. Monica walked to them slowly and Rachel hugged her tight and she was crying. Everybody were. Rachel was telling Monica that it was gonna be okay but she didn't even know what was wrong with Chandler.

"Guys" said Monica. "Guys, I just talked to the doctor and..."

It was gonna be hard to say so she just said it. "He's quadriplegic and I'm feeling so bad right now because I just love him so much and I don't know what to do just please tell me that it's gonna be okay and please help me." Said Monica hardly.

They all gathered in Chandler's room. He was opening his eyes. Looking around. It was obvious that he was scared. Monica came next to him and kissed him from his lips. They were both crying. Chandler opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't, and he was in tears.

"Oh man...no" said Joey.

He came next to him and said "Chandler it's gonna be alright I promise it will be. I will do everything to help you get better. You're my brother okay? I`ll do everything for you to get better"

Joey was so angry at life for doing this to Chandler. One of the best people he has ever known.

They didn't know what to do, what to say.

Then the doctor came in and said "Good morning Chandler, I'm glad all your friends are here" and smiled. He said them that he wanted to talk to Chandler alone.

He was standing at the edge of his bed, nervous. "Chandler I guess you are aware of the numbness in your body and your voice loss...God... I don't know how to say this... Chandler you are C1 quadriplegic. And it means that you have no movement and feeling below your neck and you're on a ventilator because it affected your respiratory system too. Im so so sorry. I know it's so damn hard right now to stay positive and be hopeful but I want this from you okay? Chandler being a quadriplegic doesn't end your life. And you're surrounded with all those very supportive friends. Look, happiness is a choice. And you can wake up in the morning and wanting to die or you can be thankful for what you have and try harder and harder to achieve things. By the way don't worry about your voice I'll place a speaking valve there and you'll start speaking again. I'll come and see how you're doing in the evening ok."

Everybody saw the doctor going out so they went in the room.

Chandler saw Monica. How hard she was trying to seem happy. So he decided to do the same and he smiled. Monica saw him and she smiled too.

Ross said " We'll leave you guys alone." And they went out.

Chandler moved his mouth, he was trying to say " I love you." She didn't understand at first but then she said " I love you so so so much baby."


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

The nurse came in and said that she was going to place the speaking valve. After a couple of minutes Chandler said "Oh, finally I can speak" and they both laughed.

They were talking but Chandler couldn't say a whole sentence at once because the ventilator was forcing him to breath.

"The vent is annoying" said Chandler and made a puppy face.

"I was doing some research about it and I saw that you can get rid of the ventilator if you do well in respiratory therapy."

NOTE: the ' - ' sign means Chandler's speech is interrupted by the ventilator.

" I will get rid of it, I promise-I will try so hard to get better."

"I know baby, I know you will."

"Is there DVD player-in this room?"

"Yeah there is, you wanna watch a movie?"

"I have a good idea.- All of you go home and-take a rest and come back in-the evening and bring a comedy-movie, ok?"

"I really don't want to leave you alone..."

"But you need-to. Go home and take- a shower, you stink." He joked and they both laughed.

Rachel and Phoebe stayed with Chandler that day and Monica, Ross and Joey went home to take a rest.

It was like 7.00 PM when they got back. They brought 'Dumb and Dumber' with them. Then everybody went down to the cafeteria to eat except Monica.

Later the nurse came. She was changing Chandler's diaper. Monica was a little bit uncomfortable with this situation but she tried not to make it obvious to Chandler. Chandler said "Honey,you don't have to-be here, watching this."

Monica replied "No, I mean this is a fact that we can't run away from and we have to get used to it. Please don't feel uncomfortable okay?"

Chandler just closed his eyes

Monica was watching the nurse doing it. She was so gentle and slow. She was breaking down inside, seeing her fiancé like this.

Then everybody came in and Chandler said "Oh God, this is- so embarrassing..."

"Chandler, we're family. And please don't feel bad right now okay? And I wasn't looking I have the best news!" Phoebe said.

" I wanna say it, I wanna say it." Joey insisted. "Tomorrow we all are going to Central Park!"

Chandler was surprised and said "Are you sure they -will let me out?..."

"Yeah, we just talked to the doctor"

Ross said "Chandler you know what movie I've got? DUMB AND DUMMER!"

It was the gangs favorite movie.

In the middle of the movie the nurse came in and said "Sorry to interrupt but I really have to place Chandler's dinner to the g-tube."

Chandler couldn't eat because of the injury so they placed a g-tube to his stomach. And he was fed directly from his stomach. There was a silent because when the nurse took Chandler's shirt off because there wasn't any muscles left. It was just flat, there wasn't any shape. Later they learned that it was called 'quad belly'. It was so silent that Rachel said "Oh, i love Jim Carrey so much, isn't he so funny?"

"Yeah" said everybody. After a couple of minutes the nurse left the room and they continued watching the movie. It was 10 PM and they all went home even tough Monica didn't want to leave Chandler.

In the morning Monica came but Chandler was sleeping. Monica smiled and kissed his lips, Chandler woke up. He was smiling. " I always want to see you smiling like this." Monica said. "You will." replied Chandler.

Later the nurse came and the morning session was started. First she changed his diaper. She put something in the g-tube,she did some stretching to his body. Then she took off his ventilator hose and started doing something on his throat (probably cleaning it). It was obviously hurting him, his eyes were filled with tears. "Does this ventilator thing hurt?" Said Monica. Chandler put himself together and moved his mouth saying "no baby". He couldn't talk when the ventilator wasn't on.

Then the nurse started putting on Chandler's huge neck brace, back brace, hand and foot braces. After that, the wheelchair transfer started. He was going to be in a wheelchair for the first time since the injury. And when he saw the wheelchair he looked at Monica. She looked at him too but they didn't say a word.

First, the nurse put a little sheet under Chandler and placed the hooks on the sheet to the transfer machine. When she turned on the machine his body went up and Chandler said "oh Mon, look I'm flying!" and they both laughed. The nurse was holding his head carefully. And placed Chandler's hands and legs on the wheelchair. But there was one thing wrong. He couldn't hold his head up. So the nurse brought a headband and put it around Chandler's head and the wheelchair's headrest. Chandler didn't like the headband very much. When the nurse left he said "I really didn't like this headband...and the-ventilator and all the braces-and the wheelchair and... Monica everybody will-stare at me. I hate this." Monica didn't know what to say so she just hugged and kissed him.

"I want to help you. I wanna share your pain. But my hands are tied. Damn it but there isn't anything I can do for you and it hurts so much. "

Joey came into the room, he was very excited. He said " Hey Chandler, Phoebe, Ross and Rachel are waiting outside aaanndddd I made awesome sandwiches for us!"

Chandler stopped for a moment and said "Joey I can't eat."

Joey didn't know what to say, he felt so bad for saying this. Monica broke the silence " Joey probably forgot it, it's okay Joe, don't feel bad."

Chandler said "Yeah buddy, it's-okay. Sooo can we go-to the Park now?"

Monica put a blanket on him and made sure that he won't catch a cold.

He was so excited because he was gonna be out of the hospital for the They didn't need a car because the park was so close. When they left the room everybody was smiling. They all hugged Chandler.

They left the hospital and Chandler said "I really don't wanna go-back in there."

"We'll get out of there soon baby."

Before she started to push the wheelchair Monica said "I'm gonna do this for the first time so... I really don't know how to do it. Chandler you're comfortable right?"

Chandler replied "I'm alright baby just-push it."

"Okaaay, here we go."

Monica was so careful, taking care of Chandler was like taking care of a newborn baby. But she was never tired of it because she loved him so much and as long as he was alright, she didn't care about anything.

They found a good place to sit down and they started talking, about random things, it was just like before the accident. They weren't treating him any differently. Which made Chandler very happy.

They ate Joey's sandwiches (except Chandler),drank Rachel's homemade lemonada and laughed and talked for hours.

Then Monica said "Guys, Chandler should go to hospital now. You know he shouldn't be out for long hours. " Chandler was upset because he didn't wanna go to hospital and the nurse to come and change his f*ckin diaper. But at least he had a great time and forgot about real life for a few hours. Monica and Chandler went back to the hospital, others went to work or had other things to do. When they went back to the hospital nurse transferred him to bed and Monica helped her because she had to learn those stuff too. Chandler was tired so he slept. Monica went to wash her face because she was so tired. When she looked at the mirror she saw how exhausted she was, and how sick of all these things. At first Rachel, Ross, Phoebe and Joey were always with them but now. They always say that they are always there to help but they can't always be there. At the end of the day, she will be the one to wake up 4 times a night to turn Chandler in his sleep so that he won't have bedsores, and she will be the one to comfort him in bad days, or the one who will sacrifice her life for him to feel better. She broke down and started to cry. It woke Chandler up. He said "Monica are-you okay baby?"

She immediately left the bathroom and sat next to Chandler. "I know it's hard Monica but-I promise I'll do everything I can for you to-have a normal life and... I never said this-before but...I have no right to keep-you here with me. I mean you can end this-relationship if you want to."

Monica replied "No it's not that I wanna leave you, I couldn't live without you. But you see, how hard this is. And I'm sorry for the break down. Chandler please tell me it's gonna be okay because I really need it right now." She was crying.

Chandler couldn't stand it and said "Monica we have to end-this relationship. I can't watch you-"

"No! Chandler no I can't leave you. Because I'm desperately in love with you. And that's something I can't change. Chandler you are still the same man, you are still who you are."

"Monica you don't- understand what I'm trying to say. I love you too. But you are so young and- beautiful. And I can't watch you waste your life. Only because mine is wasted. Monica you know quadriplegics- don't live that long. I'm-probably gonna die in 20 years or-so. And I can handle it alone. Please, Monica. It's been only a few weeks-and can't you see how exhausted and- depressed you are. And I'm trying to help you- but as years go we-will be less patient to each other. And I'll become a grumpy old man."

"No you're wrong, I will never be less patient or you will never be a grumpy old man because we love each other and we'll do everything to make each other feel better. And I'm sorry about the break down. It will never happen again. I love you so so so much. And I would never give up on you no matter how grumpy you get." They laughed.

"Ok then, I don't wanna- talk about you're leaving or-not, okay? Your last decision is- to stay. And that's it. And Monica, you know what?- I will be the most positive- person you'll ever see from now on. I will inspire people. I won't be- a potato. I'll be different." They laughed again.

Doctor entered the room and said

"I have two great news. Ok, the first one is... Chandler you're ready to get out of hospital! And the second one is...we are removing your g-tube because you are able to swallow food now. Look, your body is already repairing itself. Chandler I'm sure you will improve a lot. And one more thing, we should talk about where Chandler will stay after here so we really have to sit down and discuss this."

"Yeah you're right.." Said Monica.

"Ok then I'll be here again tomorrow."

Then, the respiratory therapist came to see if Chandler could breathe without the vent. At first, he was very frightened but after a few tries he tried to breathe without the vent and he did well actually. The therapist told them that they can remove the ventilator in a few months.

For the rest of the day; they watched TV, cuddled, kissed and talked about how much they love each other. Then they fell asleep but they could never sleep normally because the nurse came to turn Chandler around once in a few hours. This time Monica helped her.

In the morning, nurse brought Chandler's breakfast and Monica fed him. For now, he could eat small and soft pieces but he was improving.

Then the doctor came in and said "Oh my god Chandler you're surprising me everyday. First the g-tube and now you're getting rid of the ventilator. That's great improving, keep going like this."

Chandler looked at Monica and said "Yeah we're really trying hard for me to get better."

There were several brochures in his hand and they were about home care and nurses and equipments. He put all of them on Chandler's table and made sure he could see them too. They talked and talked and talked for two hours and everything was ready. He told them that he was going to be discharged tomorrow. Then doctor left.

"So we're starting our new life tomorrow."

"Yeah" said Monica, she was nervous.


End file.
